The Phrases shared by My Father That Saved Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was just just surviving for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he required support.

The direct statement "You're not in a good spot. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly ahead of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the space to take a break - taking a few days overseas, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "bad choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, sometimes I believe my job is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."